Love is an illusive and difficult topic to analyze and discuss. It’s nuances and intricacies can hardly be quantifiable and can have various meanings from context to context. We can, however, draw a distinction between romantic love and companionate marriage. Wardlow and Hirsch define companionate marriage as “a martial ideal in which emotional closeness is understood to be both one of the primary measures of success in marriage and a central practice through which the relationship is constituted and reinforced” (2006: 4). Their collection of essays titled Modern Loves: The Anthropology of Romantic Courtship and Companionate Marriage centers around a series of ethnographic data outlining the rise of the companionate ideal in multiple locations across the globe.
Through modernization this Euro-American ideal of companionate marriage is being farmed to post-colonies across the globe. It bootstraps along with other ideas of modernity that focus on explicit notions of an individualized self, the growing importance of commodity consumption as a means of self-fashioning and the emergence of discourses about gender relations as a way to claim or contest modern identities. These modern ideas cause a rift between older and younger generations and a clash of cultures where the companionate ideal does more harm than good to the indigenous population. The overarching theme found throughout each essay and overall of the book is a clash of tradition and modernity, and the western modernization of marriage that causes this clash. At the root of this modernity we find power structures intentionally encouraging these changes. Discerning the type of power embroiled in the rise of this companionate theory becomes paramount. Utilizing the theories of Feminism and Historical Materialism we can understand that love and sexuality become implicated in power in increasingly more subversive ways by exacting greater power over what traditionally has been considered the private sphere of courtship and marriage.
I will start first with analyzing how feminist theory explains the gendered power structures acting upon and changing ideas of companionate marriage and the increasingly subversive perpetration of the “patriarchal bargain” (Wardlow & Hirsch 2006: 158). Second follows an analysis of how the Marxist theory of historical materialism characterizes the evident changes in courtship, marriage and the way people interact across the globe. From immaterial cultures to gifts and greeting cards this theory characterizes the way that people’s material lives are affecting their emotional and romantic ones.
FEMINISM
Feminist theory is based around the idea that power is gendered and unequally distributed along gendered lines. It focuses on the condition of women in society and the extent to which they are subordinated. It also states that beneath many socially unequal phenomena can be found patriarchy in some form, some much stronger or more obvious than others but always present. It is imperative to an analysis of marriage and courtship to consider gender and it’s inequalities. In many parts of the world marriage is premised largely on sexual difference, and the social expectations that young people will eventually enter into a heterosexual reproductive relationship characterizes the way they are taught and molded by their peers and kin networks. As Gayatri Reddy shows us in her ethnographic work with the hijra of Hyderabad, India these martial ideals mold even same sex relationships. Obviously an analysis of marriage and courtship necessitates an emphasis on gender and the gendered power relations evident in the ethnographic data.
What Deniz Kandiyoti called the “patriarchal bargain” has typically characterized power present in traditional gender relationships in male-dominated societies. This bargain is that male economic support and physical protection are exchanged for control over female sexuality, labor and reproductive capabilities. The fallacy found in this bargain is that it can only be successful when the men have the land or economic resources to support the women. When men and women have equal economic standing the bargain crumbles. The rise of companionate marriage has not in itself crumbled this bargain, and while in some places (as Jessica Gregg’s ethnographic work with the economically impoverished in a shantytown of Brazil evidences) it has fostered an environment where it’s destruction is more plausible, in other locations (as Daniel Jordan Smith’s ethnographic work with the Igbo of Nigeria evidences) it has more firmly cemented women’s rolls as the subordinated sex and reinforced their role as selfless, sensitive and nurturing valued only for their reproduction.
Women of the Igbo of southeastern Nigeria are moving towards a companionate ideal of marriage that is creating a more complex and dangerous martial environment. Their courtship generally begins with a premarital sexual relationship that after a period of a few years would lead to a marriage. During this courtship couples practice sexual and emotional fidelity and equal standing, but once married and reproducing the emphasis changes from the importance of their personal relationship to the surmounting ideal of good parenthood. Once this shift has been made the expectation of fidelity changes as well. Among men of the Igbo there is a certain pride in taking extramarital lovers, it shows their continued masculinity and economic wealth. This shift has created a tumultuous terrain for the Igbo women. While it may seem that she experiences greater freedom of choice and is courted by a partner of her choosing whom she holds no obligation to before marriage, once married and procreating her location is cemented. And because the relationship was predicated on sexual fidelity women they are unlikely to confront their partner’s infidelity and so expose themselves to greater HIV/AIDs risk in the process.
This process shows the evolution of patriarchal control from an obvious and powerful force to a more subversive but still just as viable one. By believing in modernity and progress these women believe they are finding freedom from patriarchal subjugation, but in truth it is simply acting upon them in a quieter way. The Pakistani women of the Kalasha illustrate this fact. While it has become common for young girls betrothed from a young age to elope with a romantic match of their own choosing they are still entering into the patriarchal bargain. The Kalasha hold women’s freedom as a discerning part of what separates them from the Muslim communities that surround them. And in comparison to the strict control the Muslim people maintain over their women they are correct. These young girls may be selecting a partner of their own choosing, but they are still moving from being controlled by their father/betrothed to being controlled by another man. It is still not acceptable for a Kalasha woman to be independent; she is still a part of a man’s world and still a part of the patriarchal bargain in spite of her perceived freedoms.
The important scenario to consider comes about when men and women have equal economic standing and male side of the patriarchal bargain becomes a myth. When women become heads of households or work outside the home they can stand on level ground with men. But only in a specific liminal space is this possible. Women in an impoverished shantytown in northeastern Brazil have embraced a concept called liberdade, or liberty. They promote the ideal that they should have many relationships, none of them very long. They resent the notion of male control over their lives and bear in mind the fact that in such an impoverished economic landscape “security isn’t so secure” (Wardlow & Hirsch 2006:164). But even through the destruction of this bargain we see lingering patriarchal control. Their behavior only served to reinforce the idea that a woman’s social standing was determined almost entirely by her sexual relationship to men. Also these women are forced to assume a specific liminal social role, they could not be married, they could not be virgins and they could not be prostitutes. Liberdade necessitated the creation of a new social role. This pigeonholing of women’s roles inspired by the rise of companionate marriage expresses again how much power the patriarchal apparatus has over women.
Whether it causes positive or negative consequences the rise of companionate marriage is changing the way gendered power is acting upon subjects. The prevalence of the patriarchal contract and the increasingly subversive ways it is perpetrated characterize gender inequality globally. By making women believe that they have more freedom, even though in truth they are still characterized by their relationship to men only strengthens the grip this patriarchal power has over them.
HISTORICAL MATERIALISM
Historical materialism is a theory that relates how people think and feel and the ideas that they have to their material lives. It attempts to explain historical causality by proposing that historical change emerges because of a change in the material lives of people, that ideas follow the material system. As part of Marxism it has to do with the production of the necessities of life or the “stuff” of life if you will. Ideologies and social structures are then born out of this economic activity associated with production. According to Eva Illouz “commodities have now penetrated the romantic bond so deeply that they have become the invisible and unacknowledged spirit reigning over romantic encounters” (Wardlow & Hirsch 2006:18). Euro-American courtship has become characterized by consumption; the sharing of common interests that supposedly contributes to martial success is characterized by sharing leisure activities, which are quickly becoming consumption activities. Even past the courtship stage companionate marriage is characterized by self-enhancement products and self-fashioning. These ideals of love related to commodity consumption have traveled with the ideal of companionate marriage to exact a greater control over the personal lives of previously immaterial cultures.
Born out of an economic boom in Shanghai and Hong Kong is the expression of love through jewelry (Wardlow & Hirsch 2006:47). Traditionally women received jewelry rarely as a gift from their husbands and were subjected to arranged marriages, and now it is normal to receive jewelry on many popular holidays such as Valentine’s Day and Christmas as well as the freedom of individual choice in partner selection. In advertising jewelry gifts are considered codified love, and love has become dependent on and easily manufactured by consumption. This romanticization of commodities has characterized what women want and expect from their partners. Women will go so far as to select the jewelry they want and then pass the hint onto their husband about their selection. They associate this material expression as a sign of lasting love, and men use these gifts as public markers of their economic stability and security. Popularized in mass culture and advertising the getting and giving of jewelry has changed the scope of modern relationships and love.
In Nigeria we see the concept of courtship emerging. After WWII the prevalence of arranged marriages began to steeply decline. In one study contemporary students unanimously expect to choose their marriage partners themselves (Wardlow & Hirsch 2006:140). In order to court a woman a young Igbo man must take her dancing and take her to dinner. They must buy each other birthday cards and other corporeal tokens of affection; their period of courtship is characterized by consumer culture. A young Igbo woman expects these things from her suitor, and can easily select the suitor that takes her to the fanciest hotels and dance clubs. The rise in individual choice of marriage selection can easily be attributed to the end of the Second World War and the economic rebuilding that came afterwards.
The tradition modernity clash does wonders to mask the influence of this theoretical perspective. Young generations relish in the rebellion from the status quo of their traditional parents and kin. Young Huli marriages are increasingly predicated on good Christian monogamy, complete with all the materialistic aspects of capitalist consumerism (Wardlow & Hirsch 2006: 61). To the chagrin of the elders these younger generations are abandoning traditional superstitions to follow a foreign religious path. This conflict serves well to cover the subversive quality of the consumer culture this body of youth or becoming a part of.
How men and women are interacting with one another changes because of their material world as well. In an economically unstable location such as a shantytown in Brazil it is becoming popular for women to live and work independent of men. To support their liberdade they maintain only short-term relationships with men, but expect financial support from their lovers. Because men are shameless these women should get as much as possible (money, food, clothes, jewelry) from each man then move on (Wardlow & Hirsch 2006:158). We see a similar relationship between the sugar daddies of Nigeria and their younger extramarital partners. These young women never ask for money directly, instead they need money to pay their rent or transportation or to pay their siblings school fees. More and more we see evidence of men and women using each other for temporary economic gain, and this characterizes how these people for their relationships with one another. These sugar daddies speak of their young lovers as if they aren’t people. They refer to them as “handbags” and objectify them as objects (Wardlow & Hirsch 2006:148). This consumer culture of using is changing how people interact and respect one another, commodifying even each other.
In all stages of courtship and marriage we see consumer culture taking charge and changing peoples perceptions of their relationships. By telling us what we want advertising and mass media have changed social interactions across the globe and not always for the better. The economy of people and relationships is become more and more an economy of capitalist consumerism.
CONCLUSION
The force of companionate marriage in modernity is strong. Across the globe it is slowly become more and more common, in varying ways and degrees of success but it is evidently spreading. As we can see through feminist theory accompanying it are strong patriarchal control methods of a more subversive nature than previously evident in these specific geographic locations. In spite of perceived nuances of freedoms achieved by the introduction of choice women are still deeply and obviously working within a patriarchal framework and continue to define their sexuality in relation to men. As Marxist historical materialism shows us spurning on this transformation to companionate marriage is the economic consumerism of the capitalist world. People are learning to want and need physical and sometimes expensive expressions of affection and love. Because of this economic and gendered landscape companionate marriage and the isolated family unit are growing in popularity, and becoming a mode of the expression of even stronger power doctrines.
Works Cited
Hirsch, J. S., & Wardlow, H. (2006). Modern loves. Ann Arbor: The University of Michigan Press.